The past week reminded me what it felt like to be busy. To be immersed in the demands of life itself. To be glued to things and people and places against our will, whether we chose to be there or not.
This past week reminded me what it felt like to be so consumed in the to-do lists and the what-comes-nexts and the where-can-I-get-another-coffees.
And I forgot what it felt like to feel pain. and emptiness. and loneliness.
I left depression on the curb and drove away without realizing I even dropped her off.
And then I sat down tonight and realized. I have nothing left. I have nothing more. And it’s ok to sit down. It’s ok to be tired and worn out. It’s ok to need a break.
So often we push ourselves to keep going, to do more, to do better than our best. And we exhaust ourselves into a pile of tears on the bathroom floor.
The pain we feel on a daily basis? That’s partly our fault. That’s partly what were choosing to feel when we open our eyes in the morning. But if depression has joined you on your morning commute and packed herself in your gym bag; if she’s on the train ride home and has a plate at the dining room table then I’m sorry. I’m sorry she won’t leave you alone, I’m sorry I can’t help. Know you’re not alone. Know it’s going to get better, know the feelings are just that: feelings. And then give it time. Give her time to find a home in someone else. Time to fold herself into the sleeves of other people. Just give her time. It gets better. You’ve got this. It gets better, I just know it.