I squeezed myself between the dresser and a file cabinet and pulled my legs up close. If I could just fit myself into someplace smaller, further away from the world, maybe it could hurt me less. Rocks might fall more gently, storms might be less tense. The easy fit between the furniture and a box made of plastic reminded me I couldn’t hide all that easy.
There’s this GOD man who likes to pull us under just to teach us a lesson and I know that’s what he’s doing. He fogs up my vision a lot these days.
I sat in a parking lot in a fit of tears today. Not because the news was bad but because it was forcing me to change for my own good – and I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to walk a path I didn’t choose. But God has other plans. He’s teamed me up with depression the last few months – as if I could possibly learn from him. And stripped me down of any strength. He’s handed me loss in this season of my life and I keep begging for it all to stop. Please, just make it slow down. But that God man? He’s got one monster of a plan and he’s not taking up our offers if they aren’t what he proposed; he’ll put up a new door if we break our old one down.
Depression promises to stand by us until the man tells him times up. He’ll say to depression, ” You can let her go now. Send her home. Tell her to just come home to ME. ”
When that message comes I will go home to him, because all this? It means something.