what do you want from me?

What do you want from me? 

There is so much to say and nothing at all.

What do you want from me? 

I want more. I want the passenger’s seat in your truck to be mine. I want to cup your face with my hands. I want to grab your hand and hold it forever. I want you to look at me with those teasing eyes that always get me to smile. I want you to call me on your way home and tell me about your day. I want to wear your too-big-for-me sweatshirts in the winter and breathe in your scent. I want to climb into your lap and bury my face into your neck. I want you to hold me. I want what I can’t have, what I can never have. I want all the things this world keeps ripping away from me. I want one of the good ones.

When is it my turn? I keep throwing my hands up at God and asking Him, When is it my turn? He keeps throwing me obstacles, He keeps teaching me lessons. And I’m getting impatient and I’m losing hope that my turn isn’t ever going to come. But, GOD. Of course, He has a plan. Of course, He’s got it all figured out and I am supposed to be obedient and patient and trust in His timing. But ya’ll it’s HARD.

I know when to quit. I know when the odds are against me and when to walk away. I know when I’m fighting a losing battle and I’m never going to come out on top.

I know when my heart is trying to overpower my mind. I know when it’s trying to spit out any logical explanation to why of-course-my-feelings-know-better is true.