I want more. I want the passenger’s seat in your truck to be mine. I want to cup your face with my hands. I want to grab your hand and hold it forever. I want you to look at me with those teasing eyes that always get me to smile. I want you to call me on your way home and tell me about your day. I want to wear your too-big-for-me sweatshirts in the winter and breathe in your scent. I want to climb into your lap and bury my face into your neck. I want you to hold me. I want what I can’t have, what I can never have. I want all the things this world keeps ripping away from me. I want one of the good ones.
When is it my turn? I keep throwing my hands up at God and asking Him, When is it my turn? He keeps throwing me obstacles, He keeps teaching me lessons. And I’m getting impatient and I’m losing hope that my turn isn’t ever going to come. But, GOD. Of course, He has a plan. Of course, He’s got it all figured out and I am supposed to be obedient and patient and trust in His timing. But ya’ll it’s HARD.
I know when to quit. I know when the odds are against me and when to walk away. I know when I’m fighting a losing battle and I’m never going to come out on top.
I know when my heart is trying to overpower my mind. I know when it’s trying to spit out any logical explanation to why of-course-my-feelings-know-better is true.
Dear Hannah, I hope this email finds you well. Your emails seem to come at the perfect timing, about the right topic. I’ve always had a problem with holding on and letting go. I’ve always had a problem with saying … Continue reading →
Emotion swallowed me into the whale’s stomach tonight. It swirled me around ragging waters and devastating storms. All the pieces of my body felt like they were crumbling, cracking, smashing to the ground like a fragile mirror – a mirror I kept looking in this past week. Continue reading →
Life can wreck us. It can completely tear us down to bone and then suddenly spring back to life. The last six months of 2014 tore me to shreds. It wrecked me good into my soul. I questioned every little … Continue reading →
There’s an ache inside my soul, that stretches to the depths of my entire being. It swirls around like a wrecking ball, knocking me down, knocking me down. If you’ve ever had an ache like this – that cleared out … Continue reading →
Lately life has been hard. On your knees in the dirt, in a puddle of raindrops, in the nitty gritty of things you can’t control-kind of hard. It’s been so consuming I’ve forgotten what my own life holds and means … Continue reading →
. The past week reminded me what it felt like to be busy. To be immersed in the demands of life itself. To be glued to things and people and places against our will, whether we chose to be there … Continue reading →
I get this anger in my soul when things don’t go as planned. It makes its entrance through tears falling down my cheeks and then burns a fire inside of me until the anger passes. And I guess anger really … Continue reading →
This life suddenly seems extremely unfair. Drained of all possibility, drained of all opportunity. I’m trying to keep my head above water but the weight of my feet keep dragging me down. I’m fighting. Fighting for the dreams I have, … Continue reading →