I want more. I want the passenger’s seat in your truck to be mine. I want to cup your face with my hands. I want to grab your hand and hold it forever. I want you to look at me with those teasing eyes that always get me to smile. I want you to call me on your way home and tell me about your day. I want to wear your too-big-for-me sweatshirts in the winter and breathe in your scent. I want to climb into your lap and bury my face into your neck. I want you to hold me. I want what I can’t have, what I can never have. I want all the things this world keeps ripping away from me. I want one of the good ones.
When is it my turn? I keep throwing my hands up at God and asking Him, When is it my turn? He keeps throwing me obstacles, He keeps teaching me lessons. And I’m getting impatient and I’m losing hope that my turn isn’t ever going to come. But, GOD. Of course, He has a plan. Of course, He’s got it all figured out and I am supposed to be obedient and patient and trust in His timing. But ya’ll it’s HARD.
I know when to quit. I know when the odds are against me and when to walk away. I know when I’m fighting a losing battle and I’m never going to come out on top.
I know when my heart is trying to overpower my mind. I know when it’s trying to spit out any logical explanation to why of-course-my-feelings-know-better is true.
Dear Hannah, I hope this email finds you well. Your emails seem to come at the perfect timing, about the right topic. I’ve always had a problem with holding on and letting go. I’ve always had a problem with saying … Continue reading →
I’m afraid of all the things that come with the rocking and swaying of change. I’m afraid of losing another soul. Of closing the door and knowing I won’t see someone again. Of saying goodbye. I never want to say … Continue reading →
Emotion swallowed me into the whale’s stomach tonight. It swirled me around ragging waters and devastating storms. All the pieces of my body felt like they were crumbling, cracking, smashing to the ground like a fragile mirror – a mirror I kept looking in this past week. Continue reading →
I squeezed myself between the dresser and a file cabinet and pulled my legs up close. If I could just fit myself into someplace smaller, further away from the world, maybe it could hurt me less. Continue reading →
I want to talk to him. She hadn’t answered yet but my mind kept on moving. So I typed the words out on the screen. When the medicine wears off at night I’m so tempted to say yes. Yes, I’ll … Continue reading →
Life can wreck us. It can completely tear us down to bone and then suddenly spring back to life. The last six months of 2014 tore me to shreds. It wrecked me good into my soul. I questioned every little … Continue reading →
There’s an ache inside my soul, that stretches to the depths of my entire being. It swirls around like a wrecking ball, knocking me down, knocking me down. If you’ve ever had an ache like this – that cleared out … Continue reading →
Keep going. You’ve got this. It’ll get better. Push that train along, fill your little head with all the positive powerful words you can. You are strong. You are capable. Always move forward, even when the path is long and … Continue reading →