I have this habit of sitting in parking lots. Sometimes it’s diners, sometimes bookstores, always half-scattered full of empty cars. I go to these places when my heart’s broken; when the pain feels like it’s seeping out of my skin. … Continue reading
What do you want from me?
There is so much to say and nothing at all.
What do you want from me?
I want more. I want the passenger’s seat in your truck to be mine. I want to cup your face with my hands. I want to grab your hand and hold it forever. I want you to look at me with those teasing eyes that always get me to smile. I want you to call me on your way home and tell me about your day. I want to wear your too-big-for-me sweatshirts in the winter and breathe in your scent. I want to climb into your lap and bury my face into your neck. I want you to hold me. I want what I can’t have, what I can never have. I want all the things this world keeps ripping away from me. I want one of the good ones.
When is it my turn? I keep throwing my hands up at God and asking Him, When is it my turn? He keeps throwing me obstacles, He keeps teaching me lessons. And I’m getting impatient and I’m losing hope that my turn isn’t ever going to come. But, GOD. Of course, He has a plan. Of course, He’s got it all figured out and I am supposed to be obedient and patient and trust in His timing. But ya’ll it’s HARD.
I know when to quit. I know when the odds are against me and when to walk away. I know when I’m fighting a losing battle and I’m never going to come out on top.
I know when my heart is trying to overpower my mind. I know when it’s trying to spit out any logical explanation to why of-course-my-feelings-know-better is true.
Dear Hannah, I hope this email finds you well. Your emails seem to come at the perfect timing, about the right topic. I’ve always had a problem with holding on and letting go. I’ve always had a problem with saying … Continue reading
And if my heart gets broken, I want it to be for real. Not the kind of broken we bring upon ourselves – through doubts and fears and no self worth. I want it to be for real. Continue reading
I want to talk to him. She hadn’t answered yet but my mind kept on moving. So I typed the words out on the screen. When the medicine wears off at night I’m so tempted to say yes. Yes, I’ll … Continue reading
There’s an ache inside my soul, that stretches to the depths of my entire being. It swirls around like a wrecking ball, knocking me down, knocking me down. If you’ve ever had an ache like this – that cleared out … Continue reading
We are the abusers and abused of our own selves. We beat our hearts against pillars of brick and pound our fists into the floor. I’ll never love again, I’ll never love again. The tune of our day dreams, the … Continue reading